Miscellaneous quotes

So while looking for something else entirely, I came across a text file of all sorts of strange things said by people I know.

Like:

"So, what did the wompa eat before Luke came along, anyway?"
"Snow!"
"No, he ate Tauntauns."
"Then what did the Tauntauns eat?"
"Snow!"
(I know this one was post-SW-movie viewing. And it involved beanie SW critters, including a wompa. Other than that... *shrug*)


"It's not Gothic if nobody faints."
(My theory of gothic literature, derived from a full-year English course on gothic fiction and slave narratives. As I recall, it also involved lots of evil nuns and monks. The penultimate in gothic literature--fainting, evil, indescribable monks.)

"Y'know, I was thinking that while they're looking for the hand of Franklin, RayK is actually looking for the hand of Fraser. And y'know, he should probably look in his pants first."

"It's like VirginSlut!Obi! He's everywhere! I mean, how much does this boy lie? 'Ohhh, it's my first time,' he says to a million and one Qui-Gons."

"I would say you people are sick, but that would make me an extreme hypocrite."

When in doubt, when lacking an adjective, adverb, or personal pronoun, you can't fucking go fucking wrong with the fucking word fuck.
Dead!Joe as channeled by Barb, Ophelia's living room, 2am Saturday morning, Sept 22/00

Flashback to young and oh so stupid yet somehow oddly appealing and lickable and my GOD officer, I was sure they were eighteen, could you believe such young, innocent boys could use such LANGUAGE Billy and Joe...
Ophelia when outlining Graven Image, somewhere between 10pm and 2am, Sept 22/00

Because Barb knows everything. Up to and including the fact that cherry cough syrup doesn't make a very good lube. But you can't put that on a fucking resume, can you?
Barb, Sept 27/00

DaemonLuna: Slashers unite!!
Lunette339: You have nothing to lose but that guy's underwear.
Oct 1/00

Jane with Bertha Rochester. She feels a swelling of compassion for a suffering fellow-creature in her bosom, denounces Rochester, and nurses Bertha back to health. Rochester says screw it, goes off to bonk Bertha's brother what's-his-face, Edward, and they all live slashily ever after.
(I think this was my idea. I may actually write this, but that would involve re-reading Jane Eyre, now wouldn't it? Which I have read at least four times, and all but the first (back in high school) were school-related required reading *hitting head against wall*)

As this country's leading lawyer, it is my duty to protect the rights of lobsters.
RCAFarce, Oct 6/00

It was a platonic fuck up the ass!
Me, Nov 21/00 (I must have been talking about HCL...)

"Yahoo is evil. This is why we have a NCWPG."
"No, you have a NCWPG because you want a NCWPG. I'm not a complete idiot here."
Joan, Mar 2/01

Dief is happy with poodles and pastry. Fraser, he wants Chicago cops and pemmican.
Bindlechat, Mar 02/01

This is sex in a cup. This is GAY sex in a cup!
Barb and her white hot chocolate, Mar 3/01

I have a very tiny man hanging off my boob... it doesn't happen very often...
Jacquie on breastfeeding, Mar 9/01

Don't mess with my girlfriend, damn it, she's a fucking librarian and she'll dewey decimal your ass.
Barb, Mar 23/01

I haven't yet purchased a moose, but that doesn't mean I'm not looking for one on the side.
Dine, Bindlechat, Mar 31/01

Bindlestitch: Come for the perversion. Stay for the plushy moose.

"And it looks like the three worst fic are the three longest..."
"Not only can they not write, but they can't stop."
Joan, April 5/01

"If it's so evil, why can I get it in paperback for $9.99?"
re: the Necronomicon

"Being on a free server is like being a hooker's nymphomaniac significant other. You can't complain about what she gives you, because hey, you *need* it, and you're getting it for free. But oh, did I mention, she's a huge bitch?"
Livia, April 4/01

"I proceed gaily forward instead of going straight ahead."
Swiped from a sig file on Bindle

"I doubt that a calendar of nude children's authors would sell near as well as one of nude librarians."
(Okay, I have NO idea where I found this one, but I'd love to know...)

And something I came across more recently--Neil Gaiman on copyright and his books occasionally being posted online:

"No-one's ever done anything more than take the book or story down, occasionally -- very occasionally -- muttering something hopeless and grumbly like "information wants to be free!" as they do, but mostly being very pleased someone let them know that it was up there. ("No, that's pizza," I want to tell them. "Pizza wants to be free. Concentrate on liberating pizza from evil pizzerias. Information, on the other hand, really hates being free, and is never happier than when manacled to a wall, like Kirk and Spock in some piece of late 70s bondage-oriented slash fiction.")

Bwaha. To find the original reference, go here and either scroll down or just do a keyword search on the page for pizza.

Ew-ew-ewww...

Okay, so apparently I am a HUGE wimp. I did not realize I was so easily grossed out. I will catch and free moths, spiders, and all sorts of bugs. I don't necessarily mind being the one to lift the slimy raw fish or chicken into the pan. I've scooped kitty litter boxes and changed diapers.

But today I found a dead pigeon on our balcony.

It looks like it had just keeled over under the table. The kitties, bless their domesticated little kibble-fed souls, didn't even notice it. (And they certainly notice the live ones, though they don't do anything about them. That's not true, Trout loves to stalk them and makes the occasional lunge--at which point they promptly flutter up and settle down again two feet away. He was a mighty hunter when he lived outside the city. Brought down voles and once, a rabbit, or so I've been told. With the head chewed off. But he saved the rest...)

So I shooed the furry ones back in (Minnow trots in on her own, Trout has to be picked up and carried because he goes all dead weight in your arms and starts to whine at you.) and... just couldn't deal with it. I just couldn't.

So Barb went out, bundled it up in newspaper, double-bagged it, and took it out to the garbage. And I went ewwwwwwwwww and couldn't look. (Apparently, pigeons aren't carriers for West Nile. Good to know.)

I'm just really glad we found it now and not next week or something.

Ewwwwww...

Anyhow. To continue with the whole nostalgia trip from the quotes, I found the Bindlestitch web banners on my hard drive. Hee.